


The Final Rows

by adrianna_m_scovill



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Fear, Halloween, Love Confessions, M/M, Monsters, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:06:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21561931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adrianna_m_scovill/pseuds/adrianna_m_scovill
Summary: This was supposed to be done before Halloween but at least I posted it before Thanksgiving :/Barba and Carisi haven't seen each other since the night of Barba's 'not guilty' verdict, but they run into each other while taking Noah and Jesse to a Halloween corn maze. Barba knows that he should apologize, but the conversation is cut short when things take a dark turn. He can only hope he'll have a chance to tell Carisi how he feels.
Relationships: Rafael Barba & Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 9
Kudos: 84





	The Final Rows

“Uncle Rafa, look! It’s Jesse!”

Barba turned, following the direction of Noah’s excited point. He expected to see Rollins, but his stomach fluttered nervously at the sight of the man with Jesse.

Carisi seemed to be similarly caught off guard, and his steps faltered for a moment. Then he looked at Noah, grinned, and waved, and Noah hurried over to greet the two. Barba followed reluctantly, already sure that the kids were going to want to go through the maze together. Barba couldn’t think of any good excuse to refuse.

“Counsellor,” Carisi said with a small nod toward Barba as the latter approached.

“Counsellor,” Barba returned, and he saw Carisi’s blue eyes widen a bit in surprise. Barba knew all about Carisi’s new appointment with the Manhattan DA’s office, but he hadn’t seen Carisi—or spoken to him—in over a year and a half.

Not since the night Barba got his _not guilty_ verdict.

Barba knew that Carisi hadn’t really been asleep when Barba had sneaked out of his bed and slipped out of the apartment, but the detective had had the decency to pretend.

“What brings you all the way out here?” Barba asked.

“Same thing as you,” Carisi said, gesturing toward the corn maze behind Barba. “Jess wanted to come out here.” He shot the girl an affectionate smile.

Barba looked at Noah. “Did you know they were coming?”

Noah shifted his feet and glanced at Jesse. “Um. Well…”

“Auntie Liv wouldn’t bring him,” Jesse piped up. “So he asked you!”

“Noah,” Barba said, trying to keep the irritation out of his voice, “if you knew they were coming, why didn’t you just ask Sonny to bring you both?”

“I wanted you to take me.” Noah spoke quietly, and the look on his face sent a stab of guilt straight through Barba’s heart. “Sorry, Uncle—”

“No, no,” Barba said, reaching out to ruffle the boy’s curls, “I’m not angry, I’m glad you asked me. Thank you. Why don’t you and Jesse go wait by that sign that says ‘Entrance’ and we’ll be there in just a minute.”

“Okay,” Noah answered. He looked relieved, and he grinned when he turned and reached for Jesse’s hand. “Come on,” he said, grabbing her and tugging her toward the maze.

Barba turned toward Carisi. “Do you have any idea how much it cost me to get a car to drive this far out—”

“ _I_ didn’t know _you_ were coming,” Carisi cut in, “and it’s not my fault you can’t drive, so how ‘bout you save the lecture, okay?”

“Lecture? I _can_ drive,” Barba added indignantly. He glared at Carisi. “There are a dozen corn mazes in the city limits—”

Carisi rolled his eyes and started past Barba toward the kids. “Nice to see you, too, Rafael,” he said. “Glad we could have this chat. I’ll give you a ride home if you stop whining.”

“Whining?” Barba stared after him.

“Hey, guys,” Carisi said cheerfully, clapping his hands once as he joined the kids, “you ready to go?” He laughed when they bounced in excitement. “Alright, we’re going to stick together, though. No wandering off, got it?”

Jesse glanced around. “Is it scary?” she asked in a hushed voice, reaching out to take Noah’s hand.

“Nope, not scary,” Carisi said. “We just don’t want to get separated.”

“Separated?” Jesse repeated carefully.

“We’d get lost,” Noah told her. “It’s a maze, remember? It’s tricky.”

“I don’t wanna get lost,” Jesse said.

“That’s why we stick together,” Carisi answered.

“What if _you_ get lost?” Noah asked.

“No one’s getting lost,” Carisi assured them. “I’m a trained detective, remember.” He shot Barba a dirty look at the sound of the other man’s soft snort.

Barba bit back his grin at the skeptical looks on the kids’ faces and said, “Don’t worry, I’ll keep Uncle Sonny from wandering off, too.” He let his grin loose when the kids giggled, and he made a shooing gesture. “Come on, into the corn with you,” he said, earning himself another laugh from the kids.

They turned toward the maze and walked in together. Jesse held tightly to Noah’s hand, looking up at the cornstalks towering twice her height. Barba hesitated to give Carisi a chance to walk ahead of him, but Carisi made a sweeping gesture with his hand and then, when Barba started onto the path, fell into step beside him.

Barba stuffed his hands into the pockets of his coat. He wanted to slip on his gloves, but he was already wearing a winter coat and had a scarf tied loosely around his neck, and Carisi was wearing nothing warmer than a hoodie.

A blue hoodie that almost perfectly matched his eyes. It was a shame that both were muted by the moon overhead.

“I’m the one who wanders off?” Carisi muttered under his breath.

“Sorry, did you say something?” Barba asked, even though they both knew he’d heard perfectly well.

“Me? Nah, not a thing.”

“Did Liv know you were bringing Jesse out here tonight?”

“How should I know.”

“Of course she did,” Barba muttered. It wasn’t as though she hadn’t told him more than once that he needed to face up to the things he’d done instead of running away.

“Seems like he misses you.”

“What?”

“Noah,” Carisi said quietly, gesturing toward the kids. “Misses you.”

“He’s a kid, he doesn’t know any better.”

Noah and Jesse were far enough ahead that Barba wasn’t worried they would overhear his murmur, but he was still sorry when the words were hanging in the air. It sounded like he was fishing for compliments or platitudes and the last thing he wanted was for Carisi’s default politeness to be triggered. Barba didn’t think he could handle half an hour of Carisi pretending not to hate him.

“Yeah, well,” Carisi said. “I’m not a kid.”

Barba glanced sideways at him. “No shit,” he said quietly.

“Oh,” Carisi said, turning partway toward him and lightly slapping Barba’s shoulder with the back of a hand, “so you do remember, then?”

“That you’re an adult? I didn’t know it was a secret.”

Up ahead, the kids paused as they reached the first T of the maze. They looked left and right, and then at each other, and Noah pointed to the left. They turned that way. Barba and Carisi could see Noah’s red coat through the corn as the kids continued down the path they’d chosen. The adults followed their lead.

“I mean, the last time we saw each other I’m pretty sure you—”

“I don’t think this is the time or place,” Barba said.

“Yeah, no, you’re prolly right,” Carisi answered. The edge in his voice was unlike him, and Barba knew that the pain he’d caused the younger man was inexcusable. “Thing is, I haven’t seen you in almost two years, not since you showed up at my door and—”

“Congratulations on the new job,” Barba cut in to stop what he knew Carisi was about to say.

“Congratulations on being an asshole,” Carisi shot back, and Barba suppressed a sigh. Noah and Jesse were talking quietly between themselves, but the words didn’t carry back to their chaperones. As Barba and Carisi made their way deeper into the maze, the corn seemed to muffle the outside world, making everything eerily quiet. The night sky stretched above them, and the cornstalks shivered in a mild breeze.

“Thought there’d be more people here,” Barba murmured, trying to ignore the simmer of disquiet in his gut. He knew it was partly a response to Carisi, and the fact that the former detective was clearly upset with him, but that wasn’t all of it. Barba was a born and bred city boy, and he could scarcely fathom how he’d ended up wandering through a cornfield the night before Halloween.

“It’s Wednesday,” Carisi said. “And it’s almost dinner time.”

Noah and Jesse had turned another corner. Barba could still see the red of the boy’s coat, but the corn seemed to be getting thicker. “Noah, Jess, stay where you are,” he said, suddenly afraid of losing sight of them. He saw them stop walking, and in a few moments he and Carisi turned the corner and found the kids waiting for them.

“No more than one corner without being able to see us, okay?” Carisi told them.

“Okay,” the kids agreed in unison.

Jesse looked into the corn. “Are there bampires?” she asked quietly.

“No vampires,” Noah answered, also glancing toward the rustling corn.

“Werewoofs?”

“No,” Noah said, his eyes cutting to Barba for confirmation. “It’s just corn, right Uncle Rafa?”

“Right,” Barba agreed with a smile. He supposed it didn’t help that the corn made _him_ uneasy, too. Wasn’t there something about kids and bees being able to smell fear? “Just a corn maze.” Maybe it was dogs. Kids and dogs? That didn’t sound right.

“Frankenstein?” Jesse suggested, pronouncing the words carefully as though she’d recently learned it.

“Frankenstein’s monster,” Barba and Carisi corrected in unison, and Barba glanced at him with a mixture of exasperation, amusement, and something else that he wasn’t going to acknowledge to himself.

“Monster?” Jesse asked, leaning closer to Noah.

“No monsters,” Carisi rushed to explain.

“They just meant the monster isn’t called Frankenstein,” Noah told her—a lesson he’d learned from Barba years ago. “Frankenstein is the doctor who made him.”

“He’s also make-believe,” Carisi said. “The doctor _and_ the dude with the bolts in his neck,” he added, puffing his cheeks and stretching his jaw to make a funny face, and gesturing toward the sides of his neck. “Nothing to be scared of out here,” he assured them, relaxing his face into a smile. He glanced at the branch in the path. “Which way?” he asked.

“This way,” Jesse proclaimed, pointing. Noah seemed unsure, but his diplomacy won out and he let Jesse pull him to the right.

Carisi followed slowly, letting the kids gain some distance. “Don’t forget, no more than one corner if you can’t see us on the path behind you,” he reminded them.

Barba matched his steps to Carisi’s reluctantly, mostly because it felt more awkward to walk at a normal pace and end up in front of the detective. They watched the kids turn a corner, watched Noah’s red jacket through the stalks for a few moments.

Carisi turned his head and Barba looked at him automatically, regretting it as soon as he saw the gleam of moonlight in the other man’s eyes. “Why do you look like you wanna fuck me right now?” Carisi asked in a low voice, and Barba tried to tell himself it was the tickle of cool breeze inside his scarf that sent a small shiver through his skin.

Barba considered lying even though Carisi would know it was a lie. “Apparently I always looked like that around you. It’s why the squad gave me so much shit.”

“You like that I know about Frankenstein?”

“It’s not rocket science.”

Carisi grinned. “What’s it called when someone’s attracted to smart people?”

Barba gave him an arch look. “That’s not what this is.”

“Course not,” Carisi answered. “You’d have to think I was smart for that.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“No? Enlighten me.”

Barba looked away, licking nervously at his suddenly-dry lips.

“No?” Carisi repeated after a few seconds of awkward silence. “Fine, let’s abrogate.”

Barba stopped walking. “ _Abrogate_?” he repeated, staring at the other man.

Carisi had stopped half a step ahead, and he lifted his shoulders in a shrug. “Carmen gave me a ‘word of the day’ calendar. Lawyer edition,” he said.

Barba was surprised into a laugh, and he saw Carisi’s cheeks dip into dimples.

“She’s been a big help,” Carisi continued. “Only problem is she keeps trying to hide snacks in my pockets.”

Barba laughed again. “Maybe I can blame her for my getting fat before I left.”

Carisi leaned in close, and Barba forgot how to breathe. “I didn’t see any fat,” Carisi murmured, flicking a quick glance down Barba’s body. “And I was looking…pretty closely.” His eyes sparkled in the moonlight, and his lips were curved into a smile that said he was fully aware of the effect he had on Barba. “Anyway,” he continued, straightening, “I’m pretty sure she got the idea that lawyers needed a constant supply of snacks from you, not the other way around.”

Barba managed to find his voice: “I’ll take the blame for that, too, then.”

Carisi was still smiling, but he tipped his head to regard the other man. “In addition to…?”

Barba sighed and scratched at the back of his head. “Look, it’s not like I wasn’t upfront—”

“I expected the leaving, just not the sneaking,” Carisi cut in. “And, you know. The fucking radio silence after.”

Barba swallowed and nodded. He knew that Carisi’s anger was fair. “Believe me, I know how badly I—”

“Sapiosexual. That’s the word.”

Barba blinked, ran his tongue over his lip again. “Okay, maybe it’s partly that,” he allowed softly, “but mostly it’s the jeans and sweatshirt.” _And the messy hair_ , he thought but didn’t add.

Carisi grinned and spread his arms. “You like this?” he asked, and the teasing note in his voice sent a frisson of heat through Barba’s body. “Here I always thought it was the suits that did it for you, I coulda saved myself some money.”

“If you were buying suits just to get my attention, you _could’ve_ saved your money,” Barba shot back, “but it was money well-spent just the same.”

“Yeah, well. It worked.” Carisi hesitated before shrugging one shoulder. “Sorta,” he added quietly.

“Sonny,” Barba said, reaching out before he could stop himself. He touched a hand to the other man’s chest. “I know you probably don’t want to hear this now, but I’m—”

“Uncle Sonny!”

“Uncle Rafa!”

“Come _onnnn_ ,” Jesse called from somewhere in the corn.

Barba blinked and took a step back from Carisi, giving his head a little shake. “Right,” he said, cursing himself a dozen times for letting himself forget that the ship—the very _idea_ of him having a relationship with Carisi—had sailed.

 _It didn’t sail. You sank it_ , he thought with a burst of cold self-loathing.

He turned away from Carisi and walked to the next turn in the path. Noah and Jesse were waiting several yards ahead at another branch. Jesse looked impatient; Noah appeared worried, and Barba felt another stab of guilt at the wrinkles furrowed into the boy’s forehead.

“Sorry, guys,” Barba said. “Thank you for waiting. Which way are we going?”

Jesse pointed to her right before tugging on Noah’s hand. Noah hesitated, looking at Barba. It occurred to Barba, not for the first time, that Noah was too observant for his own good. “Are you having fun, Uncle Rafa?” the boy asked.

“Are you _kidding_?” Barba answered, raising his eyebrows. “I _never_ got to do this as a kid, I’m so lucky you let me come with you.”

“When you were a kid they didn’t have corn?” Jesse asked.

Stepping up beside Barba, Carisi cleared his throat to hide his laugh.

“There was _corn_ when I was a kid, one hundred and thirteen years ago,” Barba deadpanned, “but only the farmers were allowed near it.” Noah grinned, and Barba tossed him a quick wink. “We should keep going, I think the sun will be up soon,” he added.

Jesse looked up at the sky with a frown. “It’s not even bedtime yet, silly,” she accused.

Barba also looked up. “You can tell that by the _stars_?” he exclaimed. “That is very impressive.”

Jesse rolled her eyes and sighed in a huff of exasperation. “Boys,” she muttered. She pulled Noah down the path.

“Four going on fourteen,” Carisi mumbled as he and Barba started following the kids.

“She’s right, boys suck,” Barba answered quietly, glancing at Carisi. He did a double-take when he caught Carisi’s gaze.

“Seem to recall you sorta like that,” Carisi said. The detective’s eyes were dark beneath the shine of moonlight.

Barba cleared his throat. “Now who looks like they want to fuck who?” he murmured under the rustle of cornstalks.

“Think you mean _whom_ ,” Carisi answered with a cheeky grin.

“If me being mocked by a toddler is what does it for you—”

“Ah, it’s not only that,” Carisi cut in. He bumped his elbow against Barba’s arm. “That excitement in your voice when you talk to them? I wouldn’t mind being on the receiving end of that.”

Barba stopped and turned toward the other man. “You can’t actually want me to say _anything_ to you,” he said doubtfully. He knew Carisi well enough to know the younger man wasn’t making fun of him. In fact, Carisi’s anger seemed to be gone.

Carisi smiled and tipped his head. “Guess I’m a glutton for punishment.”

“You might be a masochist but I’m not a sadist,” Barba muttered, “and I’m not about to make the same mistake twice.” He saw Carisi flinch.

The detective tried to hide it, and even offered a small smile to cover. “Fair enough,” he allowed, starting to turn.

“Fuck,” Barba blurted, grabbing Carisi’s arm, “that’s not what I—Wait, Sonny, please. I didn’t mean _you_ were a mistake, I meant…” He ran a hand down his face and glanced after the kids, once more out of sight around a corner. He saw a brief flash of Noah’s red coat through the corn. “I meant I never wanted to hurt you and I’ll be damned if I’m going to do it again. I was in a bad place—you know that, everyone knew it, it’s not like I did a very good job of hiding it—but that’s no excuse. There’s no excuse—”

“Take a breath, Rafael,” Carisi said quietly. He tipped his chin up to look at the sky for a few moments before cutting his gaze back to Barba. “You know, it’s funny the stuff we convince ourselves. I coulda handled being a one night stand, Barba. Shit, what do you think I _thought_ was gonna happen? We might not’ve done a lotta talking but like you said, you were upfront about what you wanted. I wouldn’t’ve regretted it.” He paused. “But when you disappeared without a word it sure seemed like _you_ regretted it.” He looked up the path. “We should catch up with them,” he said with a dip of his head, and Barba once more fell into step beside him. They rounded the corner just in time to see the kids turning the next one with a quick backward glance.

“It wasn’t like that,” Barba said quietly. “You and Liv and the squad, you all saved me during the trial.”

“We were your friends.” Carisi paused. “We are your friends,” he amended.

“And then…” Barba trailed off, unable to find the words he wanted to say.

“Know what I think?” Carisi asked. He spoke casually, as though they were discussing the weather. His arm brushed Barba’s as they walked. They turned the corner. The kids weren’t on the path ahead of them, but they could see the flash of red through the corn. “I think the fear? Of the unknown? It just consumed you during those weeks. You, who always prepares _everything_ , who’s always the smartest guy in the room, even you couldn’t predict what the jury would do. We all hoped for the best, but no one knew for sure.

“And then you got that verdict. _Not guilty_ ,” Carisi continued, and the way he stressed the words made a shiver pass through Barba’s spine. He hadn’t really discussed that moment—the moment of the verdict—with anyone. How could he possibly expect anyone to understand what he’d felt in that moment when he couldn’t even begin to understand, himself?

“You could’ve talked to us, to any of us, during the trial, but you didn’t want to be a burden. You probably felt like you were being crushed under this…suffocating weight. But slowly, you know? At night when you were trying to sleep—you couldn’t sleep, you didn’t sleep for weeks, but when you were lying there alone, I think you were alternating between feeling like you deserved to suffer alone, and being angry that no one could see how much you were suffering, that no one was breaking down your door to comfort you.”

“Jesus Christ,” Barba breathed. His eyes and chest were burning.

“I was conflicted too, you know. I wanted to force you to talk to me so you’d know you weren’t alone, I wanted to respect your wishes when you said you wanted to be alone. I guess we all felt like that. Maybe Liv was pushier than the rest of us, but…” Carisi shrugged again, his arm bumping Barba’s. “I figured you knew I was a little bit in love with you,” he said, still speaking casually.

They turned a corner. Barba realized absently that he’d paid no attention to what turns they’d been making, and had no idea where they were. The kids weren’t in sight. He thought there was a glimpse of red, but he couldn’t be certain. He knew if they got too far ahead and grew worried, they would call out for Barba and Carisi.

“And when you showed up at my door that night after the verdict, two bottles of scotch and a bag of takeout in tow, you knew I wouldn’t turn you away. You, you were ready to ex _plode_ , caught somewhere between relief that you weren’t going to prison and panic that you had no idea what that meant for your life. You needed something to hold onto.”

“Not something,” Barba muttered. “I needed _you_ , Sonny. Jesus, I’m so sorry.”

“You told me exactly what you wanted, Raf,” Carisi said, turning his head to look at Barba. “ _Just for tonight, I want to forget everything else_ , that’s what you said. You didn’t trick me into anything. I knew if you were gonna leave—and it seemed likely—I knew I wanted to have you once before you were gone. I didn’t expect you to stay, no matter what my stupid heart kept hoping for, and at first I thought I’d just give you some time and space. I thought you’d eventually call and apologize for the way you left and we could be…friends, you know?

“But you never did, and after a while I guess I convinced myself that it just didn’t matter that much to you. In a way I understood that, you had your whole life to sort out and worry about, and in the grand scheme of things what happened between us was just a few hours of half-drunk sex, and I thought it probably didn’t really cross your mind anymore. You wouldn’t expect me to be upset about it. I mean, I never told you. I never called you, either.”

“It wasn’t your responsibility,” Barba said quietly. “I wanted to call so many times. So many times.” He shook his head. “The more time I let pass, the worse it felt, and I really didn’t think you’d want to hear from me.”

“Yeah. Like I said, it’s funny the stuff we convince ourselves. When I saw you with Noah, for a few seconds I was so happy to see you. Stupid happy, y’know?” Carisi chuckled at himself.

“Then you remembered I’m an asshole.”

Carisi was smiling as they turned the next corner, but Barba saw his forehead dip into a frown as he quickly scanned the path. “Yeah,” he agreed, shooting Barba a quick, lopsided grin, “but then you looked all worried and cute and I remembered you actually _weren’t_ an asshole, I just convinced myself that ‘cause it was easier than accepting it was me you didn’t want.”

Barba didn’t miss the way Carisi lengthened his steps to get to the next T in the path, and he felt a slither of unease when they reached the corner and didn’t see the kids in either direction. They stopped, both listening for a moment. They heard no voices. Nothing but the whisper of wind and chatter of cornstalks. They might as well be the only two people in the world.

“Jess?” Carisi called. “Noah?”

They waited, listening, but there was no response. Both men scanned the corn, looking for a glimpse of color. “Noah?” Barba called. “Answer us so we can catch up to you.”

Nothing. Barba’s stomach squirmed anxiously.

Carisi cupped his hands to his mouth to amplify his shout: “Noah! Jesse!”

“They wouldn’t wander off,” Barba said, squinting into the shadowy rows of corn. “But they should be able to hear us.”

“You go that way, I’ll go this way,” Carisi said. “We only lost sight of them a couple of corners ago, they can’t be far ahead.”

Barba nodded and turned away, walking quickly toward the next intersection. He glanced both ways. He could see the brighter lights and knew that the parking lot was to his right, although not nearby. The kids weren’t visible in either direction. Barba went to the left, striding quickly, searching the corn, fighting down his growing unease. At the next corner there was still no sign of the kids, or anyone.

He could hear Carisi calling out and Barba did the same, once more yelling for Noah and Jesse. He knew it wouldn’t do anyone any good to go crashing through the corn in a panic; Carisi would have three missing persons to track down instead of two.

There was no answer, so he went to one more corner, making sure he kept Carisi’s voice to his left. Barba paused at the intersection, looking in every direction, listening. He scanned the corn, turning slowly in a circle, dragging his gaze across the shadows. Carisi had fallen silent, and Barba imagined he was similarly looking and listening.

Barba saw a flash of red through the corn. “Noah?” He started forward, hesitating a moment before leaving the path. Noah didn’t answer, and Barba didn’t want to risk following the path around the corner and losing sight of that splash of color. “Carisi!” he called before gathering his resolve and pushing his way into the stalks.

He kept his eyes on the red, ignoring the voice in the back of his head that told him it wasn’t a boy’s jacket he was heading toward. He tripped over the stub of a broken cornstalk and cursed under his breath as he stumbled. He managed to regain his balance, pushing the rustling fronds aside with his arms, and in another couple of steps he found himself on a stretch of path.

He froze, his stomach clenching. His brain tried to refute what his eyes were seeing. He tried to tell himself it was a prop, part of the thrill of a Halloween corn maze, but he knew it wasn’t that kind of place.

He also knew the blood was real because he could _smell_ it. He stepped forward on numb legs, barely noticing the sudden tremble in his hands. It wasn’t real—it _couldn’t_ be real. It was too red. Under the moon and distant fluorescents, blood should be dark, almost black. He stretched a shaky hand toward one blood-splattered leaf but stopped himself in the nick of time, jerking his fingers back.

He looked down. The toes of his shoes were mere inches from the puddle glistening at the edge of the path. He stepped to the side with a grimace but forced himself to move closer to the bloody corn. A warning was blaring in his head— _crime scene, it’s a crime scene, don’t touch anything, crime scene_ —but there was something more important.

“Noah? Jess?” he called, but his voice was hoarse. He pushed his way into the corn a couple of feet away from the bloody stalks. His heart was battering the inside of his ribcage, but he had to find the source of the blood. He saw something on the ground and refused to let his brain shy away from recognition: a thick tangle of dark entrails, shining wetly and leading into the corn. “Carisi,” he said, but he couldn’t manage to get any force behind the word; he had no air in his lungs.

He kept walking. He _had_ to keep walking. If Noah and Jesse were—

He shoved that thought away. He could see that the corn thinned a bit and he made his way cautiously, expecting to find another branch of the path. He followed the trail of bloody intestines into a small clearing, but quickly realized the corn hadn’t been cut or cultivated; it had been trampled, broken and beaten down to the dirt in the struggle.

 _Deer_ , he thought desperately. _Deer, it’s a deer_. The realization didn’t ease the slamming of his heart or roar of his blood, because the animal was scarcely recognizable. It had been ripped apart, guts strewn through the corn, garishly-red blood splattered across the cornstalks.

And the kill was fresh. Barba, a born and bred city kid who’d never seen a dead deer that wasn’t twisted on the side of the highway, knew that the animal would still be warm if he were to bend down and touch it. The knowledge was primal, instinctive—maybe it was the redness of the blood—and he backed away from the dead deer, his eyes scanning the corn.

He stumbled again and almost fell. His waving arms shook the corn around him and he felt wetness dapple his face. His stomach clenched and he whirled, swallowing convulsively against his panic and rising gorge. He swiped the arm of his coat over his face, smearing the droplets of blood, and staggered back onto the path beside the puddle of darkening blood.

“Barba?” Carisi called from somewhere ahead in the corn. 

Barba swallowed thickly, trying not to be sick. The coppery smell of blood was inescapable even though he knew his imagination had almost surely magnified it. “Yeah,” he managed to shout, “Carisi, I need you—” He broke off, catching sight of movement in the corn. He saw the shine of eyes. Four eyes, staring at him, glinting in the moonlight. His heart stuttered and he took half a step back before he recovered his senses and forced himself forward.

Four shining eyes, two pale faces, one red jacket.

“Noah, Jesse,” he said, keeping his voice low without even thinking about it. The kids were hunkered down, huddled close together, and Noah had a hand clamped over Jesse’s mouth. She squirmed, trying to speak, and Noah promptly shushed her. Barba walked quickly toward them, glancing around nervously. “Noah—”

“ _Be quiet, Uncle Rafa_ ,” Noah said in a hoarse whisper. His terror was palpable, and Barba swallowed against the fear lodged in his own throat. Noah lifted his free hand and pointed behind Barba, and Barba looked back down the path. He saw nothing, but his skin was crawling.

“Come here,” he told the kids quietly, gesturing with a hand while he scanned the path and surrounding corn. He heard movement—shuffling in the dirt, the scrabble of something hard against the gravel of the path. It sounded like it was around the next corner, and he peered through the stalks of corn, looking for movement, trying not to panic. The kids were creeping out of the field behind him and he took a step backward to join them, putting a hand on each of their shoulders as they crowded up to his sides. “What did you see?” he asked them in a whisper.

“Issa monster,” Jesse whimpered.

Noah said, in a hush: “It’s gonna come back please we gotta go now.”

Barba urged them backward, keeping his eyes ahead. Through the corn he saw something move, a dark shape hunkered low to the ground, and a cold shiver went down his spine. It was too big to be a dog, too small—he thought—to be a bear.

“Go back to the next corner,” he breathed, pushing the kids back another step. He didn’t dare yell for Carisi. Whatever it was would hear, and he had no idea if it would be frightened by, or drawn to, a shout. He also didn’t want the detective to stumble onto the path without warning, though.

Barba fished out his phone while he and the kids moved backward down the path. Up ahead, he saw the shadowy shape through the corn, saw it turn and raise its head. Barba saw a glint of light.

Eyes.

 _Oh Jesus_ , he thought.

The animal reared up, its head suddenly appearing above the cornstalks, and Jesse let out a breathless scream. Barba stared, frozen, the phone forgotten in his hand. The creature’s eyes blinked once, twice, and it moved forward, walking on its hindlegs, following the path toward the corner.

It stepped into the open and turned toward them. Barba fumbled his phone back into his pocket and grabbed both kids by their jackets, shoving them behind his body and pushing them backward down the path. The creature was staring at him, walking toward him, and Barba’s brain was still trying to convince him it was some sort of illusion, some sort of Halloween prank.

He could see the dark blood glistening on the creature’s scaly skin, dripping from its fangs and the long talons curving the ends of its fingers. He could see the thick tail dragging along the dirt, could see the claws crunching into the gravel with each heavy step. It wasn’t a person in a costume. It wasn’t some animatronic puppet. Barba didn’t know _what_ it was, but he knew that it was real and he knew that it would rip him apart.

“Go,” he told the kids, shielding them with his body as the creature lumbered slowly toward him. It hunched forward, tipping its head at the sound of his voice. He knew instinctively that its slowness was deceptive. He could see the strength in the bunching muscles as it walked, and he knew that it never would have been able to slaughter a deer without the advantage of speed. The deer would’ve smelled it coming, at the very least.

Barba could smell it, a swampy, rotten odor creeping through the coppery scent of blood still stinging his nostrils.

Barba jumped, mewling in surprise and fear as the corn beside him rustled and a shape burst out onto the path in front of him.

“Get ‘em out of here,” Carisi said as he put himself between Barba and the creature. Barba could hear the tremor in the other man’s voice, but there was no hesitation in Carisi’s body as he planted his feet and held up his hands.

“Your gun—” Barba started. It was all he could think to say, but he realized it was stupid even as the words were leaving his tongue. Even if Carisi were still a detective, he obviously wouldn’t wear his weapon to take Jesse into a Halloween maze.

“Call for help and get outta here,” Carisi said without looking back. The creature was walking toward him, and Carisi’s body was tense. He had himself spread to his highest height, and there was a bark of authority in his voice when he said, “Get! Shoo!” He clapped his hands, the sound as loud as a gunshot in the night.

The animal paused, looking momentarily startled.

Barba knew it should be funny, Carisi telling this monstrosity to ‘shoo,’ but there was not a shred of humor in the situation. He kept imagining those talons slicing through the air, slicing through Carisi—

Barba shoved blindly at the kids with trembling hands, and they turned and ran toward the bend in the path behind Barba. The creature’s bright gaze darted toward them and it took another step forward. Barba managed to get his fingers around the phone in his pocket again.

“Raf—” Carisi started.

“Not leaving you,” Barba said. He looked around for something he could use as a weapon—something _C_ _arisi_ could use as a weapon—even as he was struggling to pull out his phone. The animal was getting closer to Carisi, too close, and the detective was just _standing there_ like he was waiting to be eviscerated.

Barba got his phone in his hand and scrolled his contacts for Olivia Benson; his brain was short-circuiting and he didn’t know what else to do, but some distant corner of his mind still capable of rational thought insisted that she could get help to them quicker than 911 dispatch.

He had half of his attention on his phone, but all of it snapped up when the creature suddenly lunged toward Carisi. Barba made a small sound, his stomach clenching in fear.

Carisi moved just as quickly, dropping his arms and snaking a hand into the pocket of his sweatshirt. A moment later the animal released a high-pitched shriek and stumbled backward as Barba fought the urge to throw his hands over his ears. He couldn’t make sense of what was happening for several seconds, and he only vaguely heard himself say the detective’s name when Carisi followed the animal’s staggering retreat.

Carisi raised his hand again, and Barba saw the moonlight glint off the can of pepper spray. The creature screeched in anger and pain, but instead of continuing backward it abruptly lunged forward, catching Carisi off guard and sending him tumbling to the ground.

Barba started forward automatically with his heart lodged in his throat, terrified that Carisi had been ripped open.

The animal suddenly screamed again and lurched backward, its limbs and tail flailing, its head thrown back. It twitched and stumbled and Barba stood frozen to the ground with no idea what was happening, watching in shock as the creature dropped heavily to the path and writhed in the dirt.

A figure stepped past Barba, but his senses were so dulled by fear and shock that he couldn’t even muster a reaction at the unexpected appearance. The man cast Barba only a brief glance before focusing on the twitching animal.

Barba realized the newcomer was holding a weapon—some sort of stun-gun, it would seem, as the animal finally grew still except for the heavy rise and fall of its chest as it breathed.

“Looks a lot different in person than those Geico commercials, huh?” the man asked, and Barba stared at him, unable to form a coherent thought. The man shrugged and smiled. “Tough crowd.”

“Carisi,” Barba managed, turning his attention away from the stranger. “Sonny.” He felt a rush of relief that made his whole body shake when he saw Carisi getting to his feet. Barba lurched toward him, grabbing for his arm to help him up before quickly running his hands over Carisi’s chest and stomach, searching for injuries.

“I’m okay,” Carisi said, pushing Barba’s hands aside. He was staring at the stranger. “NYPD,” he said, and Barba couldn’t be sure if it was a slip or a bluff.

“FBI,” the other man replied, drawing out his identification and letting it flop open for a few moments. “Fox Mulder.”

“Special Agent,” Carisi said, peering at the ID in the moonlight before the man slipped it back into his pocket. Then, as his brain caught up: “Fox?”

Mulder smiled at the skepticism in his voice. “You two should get out of here—take those kids home.”

“You want us to just leave?” Carisi asked, waving an arm toward the unconscious animal. “What division—”

“X-Files,” Mulder said. “Believe me, it’ll be better for everyone if—”

“Is this thing real?” Barba asked, wincing at the sound of his own voice and the idiocy of his question.

Mulder’s expression wasn’t without sympathy when he looked at Barba. “As real as you and me,” he said. He reached out and touched a hand to Barba’s arm. “It’ll be taken care of, don’t worry.” His reassurance was comforting, even if he was a stranger, and a bit of Barba’s fear faded.

“Good thing you showed up when you did,” he said, somehow managing a smile. He tried not to think about how close the animal had come to gutting Carisi like that deer. “You must’ve been tracking this thing?”

“We lost it for a bit,” Mulder said. The look he shot the creature was almost _affectionate_.

“You’re lucky this place wasn’t full of kids,” Carisi said.

“We’re lucky you got here in time,” Barba told the special agent before he could answer, and Mulder offered him a smile.

“My pleasure,” Mulder said. The words should seem ridiculous in the circumstances, but his calm demeanor was soothing and made the whole situation feel less outlandish.

Barba felt Carisi shift closer to his side and he glanced over, assuming Carisi was being protective because he didn’t trust the stranger. What he saw in Carisi’s expression made his heart stutter, though, and he quickly shoved his jumble of thoughts into a compartment for later.

“Taken care of, how?” Carisi asked, and his hand brushed against the small of Barba’s back. The gesture felt almost possessive, and Barba barely suppressed the urge to lean into the touch.

“Uncle Rafa,” Noah said from the bend in the path. He had his arms wrapped around Jesse, and his eyes were wide in his pale face. “Uncle Sonny.”

“It’s okay,” Barba said, starting toward the kids. He glanced up at the sound of a helicopter and squinted at the sudden brightness. “We’re going home, it’s okay.” He gathered the kids into his arms and looked back at Carisi.

Carisi wanted to object; the desire was written clearly on his face, but he couldn’t refuse the silent plea from the kids’ eyes. He squinted up at the helicopter, too, and then looked back at the kids. “Yeah, it’s okay, guys, we’re gonna get out of here.” He glanced at the creature on the ground, then met Mulder’s eyes. “Someone gonna need to talk to us about this?”

“If we need you, we’ll find you,” Mulder answered with a smile. “But in a week, this might feel like nothing more than a bad dream.”

“Is it dead?” Jesse asked.

“Is it an alien?” Noah said.

“Come on, let’s get out of here,” Barba said, pulling the kids back and steering them away from the stunned creature. “Carisi.”

“Yeah,” Carisi answered, casting the animal one last look. It moved suddenly, jerking under his gaze, and Mulder raised his stun-gun and shot it without hesitation. The creature trembled for another moment and then stilled.

“Jesus,” Barba muttered, swiping a hand over his face. He reached for Carisi’s arm without thinking, his fingers brushing the other man’s sleeve. “Let’s get the hell out of here.”

Carisi looked at him, glanced down at Barba’s hand as it fell away from his arm, and nodded. He reached out and touched Jesse’s head, then Noah’s. “Don’t worry, it’s okay,” he assured them. “Come on, let’s go home.”

* * *

“I didn’t come for sex,” Barba said when Carisi opened the apartment door.

Carisi leaned against the jamb and crossed his arms. “That’s a shame,” he answered. He was wearing jeans and a white t-shirt, and his hair was a mess. He looked tired, and calm, and beautiful. “How’s Noah?” he asked.

Carisi had dropped Barba and Noah off at Benson’s apartment two hours earlier before taking Jesse home. Both kids had been frightened, although Barba had a feeling they would get over the shock quicker than he and Carisi. They were young and had the advantage of unrestricted imagination on their side, so the sight of something that should be _impossible_ wasn’t quite such a shock to their brains.

Barba had ridden in the backseat with the kids, occasionally making eye contact with Carisi in the mirror, but there had been very little conversation.

“He’s pretty good,” Barba said, fidgeting with the bottle of scotch and small bouquet of flowers in his hands. “Pretty sure Liv thinks we suffered some sort of shared delusion but maybe that’s for the best. I doubt that thing is going to show up on the evening news.”

“Hm. National Enquirer, maybe,” Carisi answered. “Who’re the flowers for?” he asked casually, smiling when Barba glared at him.

“Are you going to invite me in?”

“How do you know you’re not interrupting something?” Carisi asked.

“I—um,” Barba said, feeling heat creep into his face. The thought hadn’t occurred to him that Carisi might not be alone, and Barba cursed himself for stupid, selfish assumptions. “I didn’t mean to—”

“S’alright,” Carisi said, straightening away from the doorjamb. “Getting caught up on the last few episodes of The Bachelorette. Almost to the final rose ceremony.”

Barba hesitated. “I can’t tell if you’re joking,” he said.

Carisi laughed and stepped aside. “I’m not. Amanda got me hooked. It’s like watching a train wreck, except there are a lot of guys in not a lot of clothing to distract from the awfulness.”

“Here I thought you were a secret romantic or something,” Barba said as he walked into the apartment.

“Secret?” Carisi laughed as he closed and locked the door. “I think I’m pretty open about my hopeless romanticism. Doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the view, too.”

“Right,” Barba said. He turned to face Carisi, quickly wetting his lips. “Listen. I thought maybe you might want to talk.”

“Sure,” Carisi said, reaching for the bottle. “Whatcha wanna talk about?” he asked as Barba handed him the scotch. Carisi glanced over the label and whistled under his breath. “This couldna been cheap.”

“If you want to talk about what happened tonight…”

“You mean us almost getting eaten by some alien lizard monster?”

“I know you’ve seen a lot as a cop and have been in a lot of life or death situations.”

“This one was a little different though, huh?” Carisi asked.

“A little,” Barba agreed. “I just…thought…if you wanted to talk to someone else who would understand…”

“Honestly?” Carisi held up the bottle. “I’d rather just get drunk.”

“Sure.” Barba hesitated for a moment before holding out the flowers. “These seem a little stupid now, but…here. I’ll let you get back to the show.” He managed a smirk and a raised eyebrow. “I somehow think a bottle of scotch might improve it, actually.”

Carisi carried the flowers and liquor to the kitchen counter and opened a cupboard. He pulled out a Mason jar and two glasses. “Why don’t you take your coat off.” He half-filled the jar with tap water.

“My coat?”

“Did you eat?”

“Eat? Oh. No, I was too nervous.”

“Hmm.” Carisi unwrapped the flowers and settled them into the jar of water. “I’ve got leftover pizza I can heat up. Or we can break into the stash of Halloween candy and I can replace it tomorrow.”

Barba watched Carisi open the scotch and fill the two glasses. “Are you handing out candy? Figured you’d be at a party or something.”

Carisi glanced over his shoulder, a sparkle of amusement in his eyes. “Know of any good ones?” he asked as he replaced the lid on the bottle. There was a teasing note in his voice—light, fun, almost as though they hadn’t been face to face with some murderous monstrosity a couple of hours earlier.

Almost as though he didn’t hate Barba like he should.

“Is it too late to ask you on a date?” Barba asked before he could lose his nerve.

Carisi laughed, turning to face him with the glasses in his hands. “It’s nine-thirty.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Is it too late,” Carisi mused as he crossed the distance between them. “Well, I’m not really sure.” He held out a glass and Barba took it automatically. “Guess there’s only one way to know.”

Barba looked down into his drink to escape the blueness of Carisi’s eyes. “I missed you,” he said quietly.

“Yeah?” Carisi sipped his drink, his stare locked on Barba’s face.

“Mmhm.” Barba flicked his gaze up to Carisi’s. “Let me buy you dinner.”

Carisi smiled. “Is that a question?”

“You want me to beg?”

“For dinner?” Carisi laughed, raising his eyebrows. He regarded Barba in silence for a few moments before leaning forward. Barba’s throat bobbed as he swallowed, and the lines of his face deepened; Carisi knew it wasn’t easy for the other man to show his vulnerability, but now his expression was open. His eyes held a mixture of fear and hope. “I can think of a lot better things to beg for,” Carisi murmured, glancing pointedly at Barba’s parted lips.

“What do you want from me?” Barba asked, barely above a whisper.

Carisi sighed and straightened. “Nothing you don’t wanna give,” he said. “Thanks for the flowers. You believe no one ever gave me flowers before?”

“That’s a goddamn shame,” Barba said.

Carisi smiled. “Actually, that’s not true. My sisters gave me flowers when I had my appendix out as a kid. They spent their own money on ‘em, too.”

“I spent my own money on those,” Barba said.

“Well, they also kissed me on the cheek,” Carisi said. Then, before Barba could respond, he turned away and set his glass on the counter.

“I’m putting myself at your mercy, here,” Barba said. He ran his tongue over his lip, fighting the urge to fidget. “I’m asking…” He cleared his throat. “Tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it,” he finished gruffly.

Carisi turned and started past him. “I think you know what I want.”

Barba reached out and touched his sleeve before pulling his hand back. Carisi paused, meeting his eyes. “You’re really not going to tell me? I’m trying to be—”

“You’re a smart guy, Barba,” Carisi said. “And me? I’m an open book. I think you can figure it out. I have to use the bathroom.”

Barba stared after him as Carisi strode toward the bathroom, slipped inside, and closed the door without a backward glance. “What if I’m an idiot?” he said. He didn’t raise his voice, and he wasn’t sure Carisi would hear him.

“I’m not attracted to idiots,” Carisi answered from the other side of the bathroom door, and Barba laughed in spite of himself.

He looked around the small apartment. His eyes landed on the door, locked behind him by Carisi. His gaze skimmed to the flowers in a Mason jar of tap water, and to the bottle of scotch. He glanced at the refrigerator and then over his shoulder toward the television, paused in the middle of The Bachelorette.

Barba swallowed half of his drink with a grimace before setting his glass on the counter to shrug out of his coat. He tossed it over the back of a chair and kicked off his shoes before padding in his socks to the refrigerator.

By the time Carisi emerged from the bathroom, Barba was just settling onto the sofa. He’d slid the box of leftover pizza onto the coffee table along with Carisi’s glass of scotch.

Carisi’s face—already soft to begin with—softened further at the sight of Barba getting comfortable on the couch. He walked slowly across the small room, dimples peeking out of his cheeks as his lips curved. “Cold pizza?” he asked. “I thought you’d object.”

“I went to college,” Barba griped in return, and Carisi’s smile widened into a grin. “I’m not a total snob,” he sniffed.

“I can heat it up if you want,” Carisi laughed.

“No, it’s fine,” Barba said, watching as the other man sank onto the sofa beside him. “If…you’re hungry. I was just, you know…” He flicked a hand toward the box. “Making a point…”

“Always knew you were smart,” Carisi teased. They lapsed into silence, and Barba knew that Carisi wasn’t going to make this easy. He also knew, however, that Carisi was too kind to let him suffer for long. All he wanted was for Barba to make a sincere effort.

“So,” Barba said, making his tone as casual as possible, “if I didn’t know any better…” He paused, glancing over Carisi’s attentive expression, and then pushed on before he could lose his nerve: “I’d say you seemed almost jealous of that Mulder guy.”

Carisi tipped his head. There was a sparkle of amusement in his eyes, and Barba was glad to see it. He couldn’t quite relax yet, though. “You think I wanna be a Fed?” He almost immediately showed mercy instead of making Barba say the rest out loud, and added: “Oh, you mean like I thought you wanted to fuck him?”

Barba’s throat clicked as he took a quick sip of scotch to cover the hitch in his breath.

Carisi rolled a shoulder in a shrug and drew an ankle up onto the opposite knee. His upper body was turned toward Barba. “I mean, he’s an attractive guy. I know a bit how your tastes run—tall, nice suit, official badge…”

Barba opened his mouth to point out that Mulder hadn’t had a _badge_ , only an ID, and said instead: “I like blonds.”

Carisi huffed, his forehead knitting. “I am not blond. Why does everyone always say that?”

“No, you’re really more gray than anything.”

“Pot’n kettle,” Carisi shot back, flicking his gaze up to Barba’s hair. He waved a hand in the air between their bodies. “Anyway, couldn’t help notice you didn’t seem worried.”

Barba cocked an eyebrow. “About you and him? Ridiculous.”

Carisi’s frown deepened. “What, he couldn’t be into me?”

“The opposite. He’s too tall for you.”

“He’s literally the same height as me.”

“Exactly. You’d be looking him right in the eyes.”

Carisi leaned closer. “You think that’s a turn-off?” he asked quietly.

“That’s not what—”

“I’m looking you right in the eyes,” Carisi said. “Right now.”

Barba swallowed. “Yes,” he answered stupidly. He quickly moistened his lips, and didn’t miss the way Carisi’s gaze darted toward the swipe of his tongue. “But, um…I know how you like to…surround your…your partner…”

Carisi’s frown eased, and Barba saw the surprise and speculation in his blue eyes as he considered the idea. “Do I? Hmm. You think that’s a power thing?” His sincerity was disarming, and Barba felt a fresh stab of pain. He’d hurt Carisi, and he would never forgive himself for that. It didn’t help that it seemed as though Carisi _would_ forgive him, that he maybe had already.

Barba managed a scoff: “Power thing? You? You might be the only cop who doesn’t get off on the—”

“You ever consider it was just you?”

Barba’s mouth snapped shut. He knew Carisi could probably read the swirl of emotions in his eyes—could surely see the fear shining in his green irises—but he didn’t look away, didn’t try to hide.

“Maybe I just thought you really needed to be…surrounded.”

Barba was alarmed to feel the sting of tears. He cleared his throat. “I did,” he confessed, the words barely audible as they slipped past his lips.

Carisi leaned a bit closer and draped his arm on the back of the sofa, his fingers dangling near Barba’s shoulder but not quite touching. “I would’ve kept doing that,” he said. His voice was soft and low, and his expression was full of a kindness that Barba knew he didn’t deserve.

“I know,” Barba murmured. He looked down into his glass for a moment before closing his eyes and drawing a bracing breath through his nose. He tried to make a joke—“I was doing you a favor, someone told me once that I snore”—and grimaced as soon as the words left his mouth.

“Yeah?” Carisi asked with a small laugh. “How long’d it take you to kick _that_ person out?”

Barba forced his gaze up to Carisi’s. “I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

Barba nibbled his lower lip for a moment. He reached out and put a hand on Carisi’s leg, and he felt Carisi’s fingers settle onto his shoulder in response. The contact gave Barba the courage he needed. “I felt safe with you, Sonny. Safe in a way I…God, I probably never felt, and I panicked. I wanted to let you take care of me, protect me—Christ, like I deserved to be protected, like I hadn’t made my—”

“When I told you to take the kids and run, you said ‘not leaving you.’ You didn’t even know I had the pepper spray but you refused to leave me alone with that…thing.”

“Yeah, well, I’m an idiot,” Barba said, and Carisi’s lips curved into a smile. “I thought that’s what I’ve been saying.”

“Would it’ve made a difference if I’d asked you to stay?”

Barba hesitated. He’d gone over that night a thousand times in his mind, envisioning every scenario, wishing he could go back and make a difference choice. “I was…reeling,” he finally said. “You gave me a touchstone, I don’t know what I would’ve done if you’d turned me away from your door. I wanted to stay, Sonny, I wanted to stay more than anything, I wanted you to ask me to stay but I would’ve ended up hurting you anyway, maybe more than I did. What I did was shitty, I know that. And I know it doesn’t make up for it, but I’m not the same as I was then. I made peace with what I did.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Carisi said, and there was no sarcasm in his voice.

“With what I did in that hospital room,” Barba clarified. “Not with what I did to you. You were the last person in the world that I ever wanted to hurt. I was unraveling and you kept me stitched together, and…God, I loved you, I loved you so much that I didn’t know how to fucking _breathe_ when I walked out of here, I didn’t know how to…” He shook his head. “I thought I would have to live the rest of my life without ever feeling the warmth of just being beside you. I wasn’t going to be so selfish that I would show back up in your life asking for forgiveness, for a second chance.”

“Guess we can thank the kids for getting us both to that maze,” Carisi said.

“We almost got killed by a giant lizard.”

Carisi grinned. “Sure, there’s that,” he allowed, “but you never woulda asked me out on a date otherwise.”

“I haven’t. At least not properly.”

“You’re working up to it,” Carisi said with a flash of dimples and a quick, teasing wink.

“God, you’re so…”

“Handsome?” Carisi suggested. “Brilliant?” He paused, his dimples deepening. “Infuriating?”

“You’re too good for me. But if you’re willing to settle…” He swallowed, bolstering his nerve. “I’d like to stay.”

“Stay?” Carisi repeated, his tone still gently mocking. “Stay where?”

“With you.”

“Ah,” Carisi said. His smile was beautiful, and the soft affection in his eyes brought a fresh lump of emotion to Barba’s throat. “Well, I do have a question. You said you loved me.”

“Yeah.”

“Past tense.”

“Because I’m a coward,” Barba said.

“Oh, so you thought when I said earlier, about me being in love with you back then, that maybe I didn’t feel that way anymore? You’re afraid to say how you feel now ‘cause I might say I moved on or somethin’?”

“Terrified,” Barba admitted. “I love you.” His breath caught when Carisi shifted closer and slipped his fingers to the nape of Barba’s neck. “Enough to eat cold pizza and watch reality TV and ignore my obvious burning attraction to a man named Fox—”

“You’re an ass,” Carisi laughed, twirling his fingers in the curls at Barba’s nape.

“I know. You’re too good for me.” He paused. “Will you keep me anyway?”

“Surround you?” Carisi suggested with a crooked smile, bending his head forward so his breath fanned Barba’s face.

“Please,” Barba agreed, the word slipping out unbidden.

“Since you asked nicely,” Carisi murmured before touching his smirk to Barba’s parted lips.


End file.
